The Power of Personal Relationships — Revisited
Revisiting the roots of a life-changing realization
There’s something poetic about writing today from the very place that changed it all. I’m in Barcelona this week — not just on vacation, but on a bit of a full-circle moment.
Six years ago, I wrote a piece called The Power of Personal Relationships, reflecting on a trip to Spain that fundamentally shifted how I approach business, creativity, and life. It was a wake-up call. A realignment. A revelation that relationships — not hustle, not scale, not efficiency — are what give our work and lives meaning.
I’ve come back to that idea many times since, but being here again, in the very streets and plazas that sparked it, has reminded me how true it still is. Maybe even more so today, in a world where remote work, AI tools, and global ambition can blur the human lines.
So this week, I’m bringing that article back. Not as a re-run, but as a reaffirmation. Because what I felt back then? It still holds up. And if anything, it matters even more now. Disfrutar.
March 2016 was a pivotal point for me, not just in terms of business but in terms of being a human, and as we know, the two are inextricably linked.
I tell this story even though it makes me feel a little stupid or naive. I always feel insecure talking about this experience because it plainly admits just how wrong I was and how skewed my thinking was at the time. However, I am grateful for this experience — maybe more than anything else I’ve experienced so far — as it completely changed the way we do business and the way I live my life.
But first…
To give a little context, I have two sons, 12 and 8 years old now. Both have been in Spanish immersion elementary schools here in Utah since Kindergarten. In that time, not only have they been exposed to great and impactful experiences that have enriched their young lives and will be wildly beneficial to them later in life, but as a family, we too, have had some really gratifying experiences. One such experience has been hosting foreign-exchange educators who have come to teach in local schools — I know you’ve all heard horror stories about that sort of thing, but at the time of this writing, we have hosted three times, and each experience has been unique and rewarding. (To learn more about the program we have participated in, visit Amity.org. I’ll probably write something about the experience one day, but let’s save that for another post.)
Our first “intern” was Ana. Not to give away the ending, but she is now my partner and right-hand in Barcelona, Spain. When Ana lived with our family, she would often bear witness to my then-worse-than-now daily regimen, which consisted of working 8am to 6pm for an advertising agency and building and running my company from 7pm to 2 or 3am. I would work that schedule day in and day out, often to her and my family’s chagrin, but I’m happy to report that I don’t have to slug it out quite to that extreme anymore.
In those moments, Ana would often share with me stories and experiences from her home in Barcelona (well, just outside Barcelona in the seaside community of Castelldefels). She would talk about her friends, her family, the people, the weather, the sea, the food, and all the many wonderful things that I would later come to love myself. One subject that came up over-and-over-again was the time they spent running around with friends, trips, parties (lots of parties, they’re Spanish, after all), and all the many things they would do together in groups.
Over time I began to appreciate that the bond they fostered with their circle of friends and families was something stronger and more intense than I had ever experienced among my own social groups. Don’t get me wrong. I have had amazing friends, some I’ve known for more than 30 years (which makes me feel ancient), but even with that said, I had a hard time understanding just quite the value the Spanish put on these relationships. This was especially foreign to me because I had become quite distant from my own friends and relatives at this time. Generally speaking, I would work so often that I very rarely made time for the people who are important to me. In retrospect, it doesn’t give me warm fuzzies to think about who I’d become. I thought I was doing the right thing by my family, simply trying to provide, but I had lost sight of what was truly important — personal relationships.
Flash forward to March 2016…
Ana joined the company in June 2015 when she went back home to Spain, and so began our quest for global domination. By March of the following year a business opportunity had presented itself, and — at long last — I was going to visit her mythical land myself for the first time. Armed with my iPhone, Duolingo, and a fistful of Euros, I boarded my flight. I was greeted upon my arrival by Ana and her mother, Pilar, and instantly felt like part of the family. During the days that followed — meeting for the first time a steady stream of friends, family, and business prospects — I quickly began to understand the emotions Ana had been describing for the prior year-and-a-half and began to observe them firsthand. Without hesitation, I was immediately brought into Ana’s social and familial groups and accepted as one of their own — well, as accepted as one can be who didn’t speak the language of said groups at the time.
As the time flew by — nearly three weeks in all — I had become closer and more tightly integrated socially, and at the same time, I was getting a taste of doing business in Spain for the first time. Of course, our success on this maiden voyage was hindered greatly by my inability to communicate effectively, and speaking through a proxy, Ana, was not ideal. Nonetheless, I began to observe the pace of conversation, the way business people carried themselves, and some of the formalities they enjoy. Some of these formalities seemed a little old-fashioned relative to my experience in the States. However, I quickly developed a reverence for them. Largely, they seemed devoid of the aggression and urgency I had commonly seen in American businesspeople. Additionally, they seemed to require a significantly deeper level of relationship than was necessary when doing business stateside. Of course, business relationships here are made stronger in the same way — building bonds and rapport — but it is a prerequisite in Spain that you have a real relationship with your partners, and to be honest, I love it.
This is the part of the story where I feel the most inadequate or naive. Simply put, I was so wrapped up in the work I was doing and what I was trying to achieve that I quite literally didn’t realize that there was another option — another way to live. It was quite the paradigm shift for me, while I am sure that many “normal” people are scratching their heads right now trying to understand why this concept of fostering personal relationships was so novel to me.
Nonetheless, I came home after those three weeks profoundly changed — and to be perfectly frank — envious of the people I’d met in Spain. Of course, there is no shortage of issues in their country regarding economics, poverty, infrastructure, immigration, unemployment, etc., but still, I found myself longing for the most basic aspect of Spanish culture, the relationships they enjoy every day, in my own life.
Work to live, don’t live to work.
I always joke I could never go “full-Spaniard.” Meaning as much as I am envious of their passion for relationships and their dedication to leisure, I don’t think my personality type would allow me to replicate it in my own life fully. But all things in moderation, right? That said, there is definitely room in my life to be a tad more Spanish. They live by the famous adage, “work to live, don’t live to work.” It seems a little flippant, but at its core, I believe it to be correct — philosophically speaking, anyway. Of course, Sometimes we must put our heads down and work if we are to get anything accomplished, but in Spanish culture, life comes first. Personal happiness and well-being are paramount, and relationships are the key to that happiness.
I believe for anyone who has been down the same road as I — so invested in what they are doing that they only emerge one day to find themselves alone and withdrawn — there are some real lessons here.
Relationships are the key.
First and foremost, relationships are the most satisfying and rewarding part of life. Good times with good company are the moments we remember, not that time we killed ourselves working overnight to meet a bogus self-imposed deadline. It’s important to make time for others, but also, the relationship you have with yourself is supremely important. Take care to be sure the work you are doing was begun with an end in mind so you know when it’s safe to stop and smell the roses.
In our company, we routinely try to break up projects and schedule them in such a way that we have adequate time for ideation and execution, we don’t work weekends by and large, and we take pride in the work we do. From the jump, we consciously try to minimize the stress and anxiety that comes with poor planning. Of course, from time to time — as anyone in the design/advertising business can attest — there is an occasional late night, but we do our best to avoid them.
Second and fundamental to a good relationship is loyalty — to your client, your partner, your family, and to yourself. Give of yourself to be trustworthy and loyal, and expect it in return. So much of life these days is thoughtless and transactional. Apple and your iPhone have no real loyalty to you, but that client who is there each month to support you does, and they are worthy of taking care of. Foster this in your relationships and reap the rewards.
We have been blessed by a number of long-time clients who have been through us across the many iterations of our company over the years, but I have no doubt that is in large part due to our relationships, our loyalty to their companies, and their willingness to reward us with the same.
Finally, don’t hate me for using such a superfluous buzzword, but work-life balance is important. Balance being the key word. 2018 was the first year that we merged the US and Spanish holiday calendars after two years of trying to fit our Spanish team’s “square peg” into our “round hole.” They take what seems like a lot of time off each year relative to what we are used to in the States. Lots of religious and regional holidays — not that the Spanish youth are particularly religious — but they make the most of these days as business and government simply cease operation. Where it makes sense, we have offered many of those same breaks to our American team, as there is simply no fighting against it in Spain. They won’t be working those days, and that is that.
To be perfectly transparent, we don’t take all the time they do stateside, and our Spanish team members work more than their fellow countrypeople do, generally speaking. For example, in July and August, parts of Spain are simply closed. It’s vacation! You will see signs in shop windows that read, “nos veremos en septiembre,” or we will see you in September! Our team does not take the month off, but they will take a week here and there or a long weekend or two. It's cultural and it's not worth fighting against. If you plan to do business in Spain it's best just to go with the flow.
In speaking with a Spanish entrepreneur and artist Mario Figueiredo, of Hello Mario, he advised me, as a native barcelonés or Barcelonian in English, that he learned early on that fighting against culture was simply not going to work. His shop in the El Born district of Barcelona is an exciting blend of hand-crafted and unique small-batch products. In his first year, he was open for business during those holiday months. He told me that even though he intrinsically knew those months would be slow, he didn’t anticipate just how slow. Literally not a sale. It was hard for his budding shop. However, he quickly adapted his calendar. Now he shutters the business for the month of August along with the locals, and instead of despairing over slow sales, he takes this time to plan the fall season. I guess the moral of the story is to know thy audience.
Drawing to a close, I realize that to some — and god bless you for sticking with me to here — this article is full of “no-shit” or “no-duh” moments. I confessed in the beginning that I am a little embarrassed or ashamed that it took me to the ripe old age of 35 (at the time) to shift my paradigm and realize that I am not actually the center of my own universe. I am not the star that others orbit around at the center. Rather, it’s all the other people who surround me that I am blessed to orbit alongside that make up our universe, and I work hard each day to continue fostering those relationships. Good communication, mutual respect, loyalty, and hard work are at the core of our company, and I do my best to espouse that ethic to those we partner with. Do your best to be a little more Spanish and do as the Spaniards do. Focus on those keys, and you can’t help but find business success and, more importantly, happiness in life.
A Relationship-First Philosophy, Reconfirmed
As I sit here in Barcelona again, I’m reminded that this isn’t just a feel-good memory — it’s a philosophy that continues to shape how I lead, how I create, and how I live. The relationships we build — with our teams, our clients, our partners, and ourselves — aren’t just a nice-to-have. They’re the point. The ROI on trust, loyalty, and human connection is immeasurable. And in a world that moves faster every day, doubling down on those values isn’t nostalgic — it’s necessary.
Thanks for reading,
—Ryan
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Reading list
If you're looking to go deeper on the themes from this week's newsletter, here are a few books that pair well with the conversation and offer a broader perspective on learning, systems, and the future of work:
The Trusted Advisor by David H. Maister, Charles Green & Robert Galford is a timeless guide to building trust in business relationships. This book outlines the behaviors and mindset shifts needed to move from being a service provider to a true partner.
Lost Connections by Johann Hari is an exploration of the root causes of loneliness in modern life, and a case for why real, personal relationships—not more productivity apps—are the antidote.
The Long Game by Dorie Clark is a roadmap for thinking long-term in a culture obsessed with instant results. Clark’s advice is especially useful for founders and leaders building relationship-driven businesses.
Reclaiming Conversation: The Power of Talk in a Digital Age by Sherry Turkle Argues that digital communication is eroding our ability to connect meaningfully and makes a compelling case for bringing back face-to-face dialogue..
The Art of Gathering by Priya Parker A smart and practical look at how to design gatherings—both personal and professional—that foster real human connection and purpose.
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